After Hours
The time is 11:09pm
It feels like I’m unable to breathe , like I’m holding my breath, staring into darkness, waiting, expecting , hoping for something I’m not sure of .
Waiting for myself to make a move, to start , to bring my ideas to life .
Expecting somebody to pull me out of this rot , to tell me that is all in my head .
Hoping I realize that I can do this , that the voices in my head do not have faces .
The time is 12:40 am.
It’s been two days since I’ve had intrusive thoughts .
No, it didn’t get better.
I just kept my mind blank.
I’m staring at the clock on the wall , waiting for day break.
When the day breaks , I’d take charge of my life !
I lied .
Or maybe not .
The time is 7:30am and I’m still laying down .
I want to get up from the bed but I can’t , my legs can’t move , no I’m not crippled .
I just do not have the mental capacity to function for the day.
I thought I was ready , apparently I’m not .
We try again tomorrow!
The time is 3:04am.
It’s been a week since I last said I’d try again.
My eyes are closed and I’m in wonderland.
Telling my success story , making money and going on vacations . Kai! Imagination wan finish me !
That’s when I realize , that i am indeed capable of great things , the voices in my head are lying to me and my bad days don’t define me.
I bring out my book and pen and start making plans.