After Hours

The time is 11:09pm

It feels like I’m unable to breathe , like I’m holding my breath, staring into darkness, waiting, expecting , hoping for something I’m not sure of .

Waiting for myself to make a move, to start , to bring my ideas to life .

Expecting somebody to pull me out of this rot , to tell me that is all in my head .

Hoping I realize that I can do this , that the voices in my head do not have faces .

The time is 12:40 am.

It’s been two days since I’ve had intrusive thoughts .

No, it didn’t get better.

I just kept my mind blank.

I’m staring at the clock on the wall , waiting for day break.

When the day breaks , I’d take charge of my life !

I lied .

Or maybe not .

The time is 7:30am and I’m still laying down .

I want to get up from the bed but I can’t , my legs can’t move , no I’m not crippled .

I just do not have the mental capacity to function for the day.

I thought I was ready , apparently I’m not .

We try again tomorrow!

The time is 3:04am.

It’s been a week since I last said I’d try again.

My eyes are closed and I’m in wonderland.

Telling my success story , making money and going on vacations . Kai! Imagination wan finish me !

That’s when I realize , that i am indeed capable of great things , the voices in my head are lying to me and my bad days don’t define me.

I bring out my book and pen and start making plans.